When the KVM dies…
Ξ July 21st, 2010 | → 0 Comments | ∇ Uncategorized |
Original post by logikal
But What I Really Want To Do Is Act
Ξ June 12th, 2010 | → 0 Comments | ∇ Uncategorized, music-nerd |
Well, no. Not really. Short of avoiding the deer-caught-in-the-headlights look when presenting to executives, acting is well beyond my capabilities. The only time I’ve ever been on stage and not part of a musical ensemble of some sort, I was on stage acting like part of a musical ensemble of some sort. And even then, I don’t think that counts, since we were actually a musical ensemble of some sort. The point is, even that I managed to screw up1… so no, the acting thing is right out.
But I do want to be able to sing.
I understand music. I understand instruments. I love the order. I love how much sense it makes. I love that you can take these highly structured building blocks and create something that is genuinely beautiful out of them, something that is well and truly more than the sum of its parts and in a way that is evocative, compelling, individual. I love that you can reverse engineer a piece and actually start quantifying beauty2… start looking at not only the distribution of the blocks themselves but also at the interfaces between them, how they’re built, whether they’re between or within voices… even start looking at those choices in a greater psychological or anthropological context and begin seeing order spiraling outwards. And instruments are just a means for managing these blocks, whether you’re creating a block or an interface between blocks. You can pick up an instrument and it makes sense; you might have to work a little harder to get the embouchure right, to get the tone you need, to get the expressiveness you want… but you understand it. At least as a tool, you understand it.
So anyway, I’ve got this instrument called a voice. It’s a great deal: I don’t have to worry about transporting it around; I don’t have to buy new reeds for it or worry about its pads. It is also one of the rare instruments I cannot use as a means of self-expression and it is the first and only instrument I’ve ever encountered that I cannot use even as a tool.
We can start off by saying that I’m not tone deaf. In a choral setting, I can blend fairly well3. But as the only voice, with or without instrumental accompaniment, I simply cannot sing. It sounds good enough to my own ears while I’m doing it – and rest assured, I do it exuberantly and, dare I admit, boisterously when alone4 – but it’s only after I record it and listen back that I can hear just how terrible it is. I am consistently sharp: distractingly, terribly, offensively sharp. I can’t hit a note spot-on and have to slide around to find it… if, as mentioned in the preceding point, I ever do at all. I actively try to add emotion to what I’m singing… and while I can hear it, feel it, with perfect clarity coming from the piano I’m playing… the vocal parts sounds flat, insipid. At best – at best – they sound contrived… and that’s being generous because it still doesn’t fix that whole not-singing-the-right-pitch-in-the-first-place issue.
I don’t really have stage fright. I used to be utterly crippled by it but unlike the body dysmorphia, the Trekphilia, the MMORPG addiction, and the constant craving for a roller rink, I actually grew out of it. I can play a piano in front of a hall full of people and be rock steady.5 I can step into a board room, face half a dozen dour faces belonging to people who make more in a month than I do in a year, and come out on the other side with millions of dollars worth of funding for my company. I’m not sure when that happened or why, incidentally, but whatever the reason, getting up in front of people is no longer an issue. Hasn’t been for a while.
Except when I’m singing. I can’t even bring myself to sing in front of my husband. Hell, I can’t even bring myself to sing when I’m alone in the house and I know a window is open, lest someone outside hear me. I’m that terrified of it.
I suspect that this irrational fear, whatever its cause, is actually at the root of my problems. Don’t get me wrong; I think I could become a reasonable singer. I’ll never be able to use my voice to make art; I think it’s probably destined to be one of the instruments through which I just can’t really express myself. But I think it’s definitely reasonable for me to become a decent singer… maybe not one who can reach into your chest and pull on a heartstring but at least one who won’t inadvertently reach in and a hate stick through your eardrums. I’m a musician, after all. I know all about practice. I know about drills. I know all about the building blocks.
But the fact is, I’m so terrified of singing that I’m not giving myself the opportunity to get better. I can’t sing in front of people. I can’t even sing in front of people who might (or might not!) be within earshot. I’ll never get better if I can’t get over that.
And I have no idea why it’s different than anything else. I have no problems going in to work and telling the guy who asks me to build some kind of app that I’ve never worked with reporting services before and that it’ll take me a bit to learn. I have no problems picking up a guitar and failing spectacularly on barring an F for half an hour, well within earshot of the entire apartment complex. I just have no idea why singing is different.
BLAR!
- We were doing a run of 1940’s Radio Hour, you see, and I was the piano player in the Zoot Doubleman Orchestra. (Big stretch, right? Me playing a piano player. Them’s some serious character acting, people. I subscribe to the Lindsay Lohan School of Method Acting.) So anyway, we had these fake cigarettes that we were supposed to be smoking all smooth and cool-like. In the smoothest and most cool-like way possible, I dropped mine in the piano. No really. Right past the harp. Couldn’t get it out. I checked the piano at my ten-year reunion and it was still rolling around in there. Anyway, the good news was that it was a fake cigarette and we didn’t actually light the school’s piano on fire. The bad news was that the director apparently did NOT want the band to be drawing attention from her leads by hysterically acting like we were putting out a fire in said piano. I have no idea why not. The guy playing Zoot Doubleman even made a big show of giving me a pink post-it note and pointing angrily to the fake door we were sitting by. That’s character development, man.
- Sweeping statement with no qualifications that is only tangentially related to the topic of this post? Check. We’ll come back to it later.
- By the way, I always wanted to grow up to be a backup singer. A straight up, beehived, little-skirted, elbow-gloved “Girl Behind Her” of “Fancypants McGee and the Girls Behind Her” fame. Shoobie doobie doo!
- And yes, just to be clear, my car counts as alone when the windows are up. If we’re stopped on the 405 next to each other and you can hear me belting out “Hey, Soul Sister” at the top of my lungs while drumming enthusiastically on the steering wheel, well, that’s your fault. I am a motherf*cking ar-teest and this is my private performance hall. I’ve done my due diligence to protect you. The windows are up. You wouldn’t have even noticed, save for the parking lot that we have been fated to share as our evening commute. I have done everything in my power to keep my trainwreck singing from negatively impacting your life. Now stop staring at me and so help me god, if that’s a camera phone you have pointing at me, I will roll these motherf*cking windows down and expose you to the unadulterated, Lovecraftian horror first hand. I won’t even get to “the rockets red glare” before your face explodes. Don’t you try me. DON’T PUSH ME.
- Unless I’ve been drinking, but I think that might be another issue entirely.
Original post by blah
Heebus is gonna hafta choke a bitch
Ξ May 19th, 2010 | → 0 Comments | ∇ um yeah |
00:45:38 heebus good evening
09:13:49 dooshette you there
09:13:53 dooshette wanna know something
09:13:57 dooshette i passed the bar bitches!!!!
09:52:27 heebus wooooooooooooooo
09:52:36 heebus the world has another jewish lawyer
09:52:40 heebus we are that much safer 
10:28:52 dooshette lol
10:32:00 heebus congrats
10:32:03 heebus do you have a job now?
10:48:09 dooshette ive had a job
10:48:11 dooshette same job
10:48:14 dooshette still working here
10:49:02 heebus dooshette esquire
11:29:05 dooshette ew
11:29:07 dooshette that last name has to go
11:29:10 dooshette it really is terrible
11:29:36 heebus what would you like it to be?
11:29:42 heebus dont say my last name, im never getting married
14:00:01 dooshette ohhh now youre never getting married!
14:00:02 dooshette hahahaha
14:00:03 dooshette why
14:00:07 dooshette soooo funny
14:00:20 dooshette when this all started you wanted to get married and i couldnt commit
14:00:26 dooshette now i want to get married and youre never getting married
14:00:34 dooshette guess online dating can make you a jaded person
14:05:58 heebus well
14:06:02 heebus ive always felt this way
14:06:07 heebus i just was denying it to myself
14:06:13 heebus i didnt want marriage
14:06:19 heebus i wanted committed sex
14:20:13 dooshette what do you have against marriage
14:24:16 heebus there is no benefit to a man to get married
14:32:04 dooshette wow
14:32:06 dooshette im sorry you feel that way
14:32:40 heebus why? can you explain to me the benefit?
14:37:52 dooshette children
14:38:00 dooshette someone who knows you inside and out
14:38:04 dooshette someone to take care of you
14:38:09 dooshette fuck you and feed you when you get home
14:38:15 dooshette tell you how awesome you are all the time
14:38:21 dooshette send you to work with home cooked lunched
14:38:25 dooshette keep you in a clean house
14:38:33 dooshette be nice arm candy for your functions
14:38:41 dooshette to put up with your bullshit for eternity because she loves you
14:38:45 dooshette and loves your bullshit
14:38:49 dooshette even if it pissed her off
14:38:58 dooshette someone who will ALWAYS stroke your ego
14:39:01 dooshette and actually mean it
14:39:09 dooshette and who will ALWAYS stroke anything else you want
14:39:11 dooshette and mean that too
14:39:16 dooshette a lifetime of head
14:39:20 dooshette sex
14:39:23 dooshette anal sex
14:39:30 dooshette whatever other fantasies you might have
14:39:36 dooshette extra income
14:39:45 dooshette a lifetime travel companion
14:39:48 heebus ok extra income is a benefit
14:39:54 heebus but marriage doesnt guarantee any of those
14:40:18 dooshette nothing is guaranteed in life
14:40:23 dooshette nobody said it does
14:40:33 heebus the only thing guaranteed is alimony
14:40:34 dooshette but theres far more of a guarantee for all that married
14:40:38 dooshette than there is single
14:40:41 dooshette and if you marry the right person
14:40:47 heebus thats a big if
14:41:01 dooshette well i would think you would trust yourself enough not to marry the wrong person
14:41:09 dooshette and not to get married unless you know shes the right person
14:41:13 dooshette and besides
14:41:15 dooshette in fifty years
14:41:23 dooshette not having any of that even if ALL of it isnt guaranteed
14:41:27 dooshette is going to be really fucking old
14:41:35 dooshette the bottom line is
14:41:37 heebus you are only proving my point, i dont think ill ever get married because i dont think two people can love
each other that long
14:41:38 dooshette nobody wants to die alone
14:41:45 dooshette well ive seen it
14:41:52 dooshette multiple times
14:41:57 dooshette which i guess is why i want it
14:42:07 dooshette and cant imagine my life without it
14:42:10 dooshette you know when my dad died
14:42:12 heebus most people i know come from divorced families
14:42:19 dooshette there were two things that made him ok with dying
14:42:22 dooshette me and my mom
14:42:34 heebus listen im not opposed to it
14:42:36 dooshette and believe me when i tell you they werent all roses
14:42:42 heebus im just ok with being single until i find the right one
14:42:56 dooshette well thats totally different than being against marriage
14:43:05 dooshette who the hell ISNT against marrying the wrong person
14:43:15 heebus most people dont care
14:43:22 dooshette most people do care
14:43:24 heebus how many girls do you know that are in marriage mode
14:43:28 dooshette they just thikn theyve made the right decision
14:43:32 dooshette because they are impatient
14:43:34 dooshette in marriage mode
14:43:39 dooshette and dont think before they do shit
14:43:44 heebus yeah
14:43:44 dooshette but its not because they dont care
14:43:46 heebus ok
14:43:48 heebus fair enough
14:43:49 dooshette its because they were dumbasses
14:43:52 heebus most people are dumb
14:43:56 dooshette yeah
14:44:02 dooshette well i dont put you in that category
14:44:07 dooshette i hear it all the time
14:44:09 heebus which is why im single
14:44:31 heebus i want someone smart, not fat, smart, maybe smart, and preferrably with their own income because im too
selfish
14:45:07 heebus a lot of my friends seem to be in sexless marriages after they had a kid
14:45:12 heebus i think ill adopt
14:45:23 dooshette you could probably stand to hold off on marriage for about 5-10 years i think
14:45:32 heebus i like the way you think
14:45:45 heebus i have two friends that got married recently
14:45:47 heebus they dated for 10 years
14:45:53 heebus why get married! they had it perfect
14:46:06 dooshette well you just became wholly undesireable
14:46:09 dooshette and if you dont want to get married
14:46:16 dooshette just tell all the girls you date
14:46:19 dooshette the same shit you just told me
14:46:20 heebus oh you didnt think i was desirable before
14:46:23 dooshette and you should NOT have ANY problem
14:46:33 heebus haha
14:46:40 heebus thats like a girl talking about making babies on date one
14:46:42 dooshette i htought you were desireable husband material
14:46:58 dooshette i just didnt want a husband
14:46:58 heebus awesome
14:47:06 heebus i get that a lot
14:47:10 dooshette now youre like super desireable bachelor material
14:47:16 heebus sweet
14:47:19 heebus thats been my goal
14:47:22 dooshette but i wouldnt marry you with that attitude if you were the last man on earth
14:47:23 heebus to stop being the nice guy
14:47:34 heebus if i was the last man, marriage wouldnt mean anything
14:47:36 dooshette yeah well all that crap about being the nice guy
14:47:37 dooshette its true
14:47:51 dooshette when youre dealing with girls who dont want to get married either
14:47:54 dooshette so you should be just fine
14:47:55 heebus yep
14:48:00 heebus im good these days
14:48:06 dooshette thats all that matters
14:48:12 heebus im the nicest asshole you’ll ever meet
14:48:12 dooshette you keep telling yourself that 
14:48:17 dooshette talk to me in 5 years
14:48:24 dooshette see how much fun youre having then
14:48:29 dooshette and then 10 years after that
14:48:30 heebus at the rate we talk to each other, that will be the next time
14:48:39 dooshette when the only women left to date have ex husbands and lots of kids
14:48:47 dooshette wow
14:48:49 heebus there will still be girls in their 20s
14:48:51 dooshette you really are an asshole!
14:49:00 dooshette yeah and you live in LA honey
14:49:03 dooshette if youre not ryan seacrest
14:49:09 dooshette have some hollywood connections
14:49:17 dooshette or arent a hot actor
14:49:20 dooshette forget about it
14:49:35 dooshette those girls prob arent too fond of the scientifically minded larper types!~
14:49:36 heebus when im 40 i can marry a 29 year old
14:49:43 heebus hey, i dont larp
14:49:45 dooshette good luck with that
14:50:11 heebus thanks, always so nice 
14:50:19 dooshette i was nice
14:50:28 dooshette until you started snubbing me
14:50:33 heebus snubbing you?
14:51:08 dooshette there were a couple of not so nice jabs back there
14:51:16 dooshette like about the frequency with which we talk
14:51:27 heebus oh well , who can blame me for that
14:51:34 heebus you never initiate contact
14:51:40 heebus and remember how long it took us to meet?
14:51:47 heebus and how long it took to hang out a second time?
14:52:34 dooshette well it just makes PERFECT sense to bitch at me NOW about all that
14:52:43 dooshette and FYI
14:52:44 heebus i did bitch at you back then
14:52:46 dooshette you are NEVER on IM
14:52:52 dooshette or atleast you dont appear on IM
14:52:58 heebus i dont appear on now?
14:53:16 dooshette well im sure you do now since your IM’ing me but youre usually in the “offline” space
14:53:47 heebus i swear my AIM is always on
14:53:58 heebus but look now and tell me, since i dont use the normal AIM program
14:54:25 dooshette yes you are online now
14:54:43 heebus well whatever
14:54:57 heebus the way you acted in the past is partly responsible for how i am now
14:55:05 heebus i thought i had a great connection with you
14:55:09 heebus and you were just unavailable
14:55:17 dooshette OH MY HOLY HELL IN A HANDBASKET
14:55:17 heebus and now that im over it, you are available
14:55:20 heebus haha
14:55:23 dooshette that is incredibly lame
14:55:25 heebus yes im blaming you
14:55:27 heebus but i dont care
14:55:31 heebus i think it made me a better person
14:55:40 dooshette we like went on what A DATE
14:55:49 dooshette and I turned you into this awful marriage hating man
14:55:53 dooshette are you f’ng serious
14:55:55 heebus we went on one date, we communicated a lot
14:55:59 heebus not just you
14:56:04 dooshette because if youre serious thats just pathetic
14:56:04 heebus im using you as an example
14:56:13 dooshette hey listen man
14:56:14 heebus of how girls treat guys and change them
14:56:16 dooshette timing is everything
14:56:20 heebus i know
14:56:21 dooshette oh please
14:56:29 dooshette you know how shitty MEN treat WOMEN
14:56:33 dooshette ive been cheated on
14:56:39 heebus yeah we are scumbags
14:56:41 dooshette but that didnt turn me into some marriage hating a-hole
14:56:43 heebus but we admit it
14:56:58 heebus listen i dont hate marriage
14:57:03 heebus i hate everyone elses marriage
14:57:15 dooshette yeah except the difference between you and i is that I dont blame dudes or the things ive been thru
14:57:31 heebus im really only blaming myself
14:57:40 heebus for allowing myself to go through certain things
14:57:42 dooshette youve become jaded and delusional
14:57:44 dooshette and you know why
14:57:47 heebus but i dont think my standpoint is wrong
14:57:54 heebus im not delusional
14:57:56 heebus jaded yes
14:57:57 dooshette because you fucking did that internet crap voraciously
14:58:04 dooshette instead of just letting life unfold
14:58:12 heebus i did let life unfold
14:58:15 heebus it wasnt good to me
14:58:16 dooshette you went on JDATE nonetheless where you couldnt find a worse bunch of girls
14:58:26 heebus how is jdate different than the rest of LA?
14:59:05 dooshette because they are ALL crazy jewish bitches on their last leg stalking the internet for a fucking husband
to shut the yentahs up about “when ah ya gettin maaaahried” bullshit
14:59:08 dooshette thats why
14:59:21 dooshette let me ask you this
14:59:32 heebus i dont see how thats different than all jewish girls in LA
14:59:34 dooshette how many dates have you been on that werent internet dating related
14:59:41 heebus a handful
14:59:49 dooshette what is a handful
14:59:59 dooshette less than 5 more than 10
15:00:03 dooshette give me a number
15:00:13 heebus less than 10 girls ive gone on a date with are not from the internet
15:00:47 dooshette LMAO
15:00:49 dooshette i rest my case
15:00:55 heebus im sorry, what did you prove?
15:00:55 dooshette we should talk abou tthis in person
15:01:19 heebus we know how that ended last time
15:01:37 heebus you got mad i didnt choke you
15:01:39 dooshette that youve had this one track tunnel vision love life and its ridiculous to act like an old unmarried
jewish chick
15:01:39 heebus
15:01:42 dooshette I DID NOT
15:02:07 heebus i wish i had that conversation saved
15:02:55 dooshette well you probably manipulated me to say that
15:03:01 dooshette i told you i was just mad that you were like
15:03:10 dooshette laying there and then go “why dont you just get on top”
15:03:15 heebus haha how would i manipulate someone to say that?
15:03:28 dooshette like … thanks man…can you please leave the money on my nightstand on your way out’
15:03:40 heebus what? i like you on top
15:03:42 heebus its fun
15:05:11 dooshette okey dokey loosher
15:06:51 heebus i always liked when you called me that
15:08:15 dooshette for the record
15:08:18 dooshette it was looshymonster
15:08:24 dooshette or just looshy
15:08:28 dooshette never loosher
15:08:36 dooshette that just sounded a lot like loser
15:08:46 dooshette and i feel its appropriate for you
15:08:49 heebus well doosher sounds worse
15:08:54 dooshette until you bring the real looshymonster back
15:09:11 heebus is that the one you want to marry?
15:10:02 dooshette i dont really know him either
15:10:12 dooshette but if hes anything like loosher then HELL MOTHA FUCKIN NO
15:18:34 dooshette i have to listen to some bullshit thats even more bullshit that the bullshit youve been spewing at me
all afternoon!
15:18:36 dooshette lol
15:19:10 heebus id like to spew something at you later in the evening
15:19:49 dooshette yeah well i have no desire to fuck someone who has no desire to do anything but fuck me
15:19:51 dooshette thanks though
15:20:03 heebus haha, i have always enjoyed you as a person
15:20:08 heebus you just never wanted to hang out
15:30:34 dooshette ok so lets hangout
15:30:58 dooshette can we hang out w/out me having to feel like we have to fuck at the end of the day?
15:32:09 dooshette or did that just take your whole purpose out of it?!
15:39:30 heebus haha yep pretty much
Original post by Heebus
Untitled
Ξ May 6th, 2010 | → 0 Comments | ∇ Uncategorized |
Sometimes I wonder if I’m cut out for this 24 hour day. My body can never figure out when it’s supposed to be tired.
Original post by logikal
Typographic Coliseum
Ξ April 20th, 2010 | → 0 Comments | ∇ Graphic Design, Fontography |
I came across this website today, and I was in absolute awe. Cameron Moll spent 12 months and approximately 250 hours creating this typographic masterpiece:
The amount of thought, detail and research that went into this artwork is incredible. In today’s busy society it’s rare to find a designer with the patience to take on a project like this. His wife interviewed him along with Bryce Knudson of Bjorn Press:
In a world filled with 30 second Photoshop throw up, there’s something so unique and special about projects like this. I couldn’t help myself, I had to order a print of it. If my apartment ever catches on fire, it’ll be the first thing I grab when I run out the door.
Original post by melktart
Story time
Ξ April 5th, 2010 | → 0 Comments | ∇ um yeah |
00:26:27 story time!
00:26:38 so today was a horrible day for me
00:26:51 had to fly to the bay area for work
00:26:58 8am flight cancelled
00:27:00 got on the 9am
00:27:09 4pm flight delayed 2 hours
00:27:14 i had a date for 630
00:27:20 i got into LA at 715
00:27:22 called the girl
00:27:29 she said “omg where are you, i want you here”
00:27:37 so i race over to her place and get there at 8
00:27:50 i have a car bomb, and a shot of jameson
00:27:53 i meet all her roomies
00:27:56 and her friends
00:28:00 we are all having a good time
00:28:12 shes all over me, kissing me cheek, touching me, rubbing my
shoulders
00:28:19 at1030 she needs to go to bed to get up early
00:28:23 so i walk her to her room
00:28:30 i try to kiss her and she turns her head
00:28:34 i ask her whats wrong
00:28:39 she says “i like you as a friend”
00:28:52 so i get up off her bed, i pick up my beer and pound it
00:29:03 she says “im so happy you are pounding your beer before you
drive”
00:29:16 i say “im not driving, im meeting my friends down the
street, see you later”
00:37:02 sounds like fun
00:37:06 yeah
00:37:09 next song!
Original post by Heebus
Your wish is NOT my command
Ξ April 5th, 2010 | → 0 Comments | ∇ um yeah |
SmallScreenGal: hi Jewberg
Jewberg: shhh its late
SmallScreenGal: oh ok
SmallScreenGal: then why are you online?
Jewberg: because
Jewberg: why not?
SmallScreenGal: why do you use this site if you don’t ask girls out?
Jewberg: oh i do
SmallScreenGal: or maybe you do and i’m just not one of them
Jewberg: ive been on 300 dates from here
SmallScreenGal: i’m so sure of that
SmallScreenGal: 300?
SmallScreenGal: you are weird
SmallScreenGal: and I am drunk
SmallScreenGal: so we are even
Jewberg: haha im serious
SmallScreenGal: and I’m sad and want to throw eggs at my ex-boyfriend’s house
Jewberg: drunk on a thursday…
SmallScreenGal: i had to go to this networking event…
SmallScreenGal: it blew
Jewberg: you obviously need some sex
SmallScreenGal: I have no voice left from it
SmallScreenGal: why did you go on 300 dates?
SmallScreenGal: yeah, i probably do
Jewberg: probably?
Jewberg: wouldnt you go on 300 dates if you could?
SmallScreenGal: yeah, probably
SmallScreenGal: for girls tthat is exhausting
SmallScreenGal: getting ready 300 times
SmallScreenGal: i am exhausted getting ready for the stupid thing tonight
SmallScreenGal: I am amazing and wonderful and my ex is the biggest idiot on the planet
SmallScreenGal: he was afraid of commitment
SmallScreenGal: are you afraid of that too?
Jewberg: all guys are
Jewberg: we just want sex
SmallScreenGal: and he dumped before we had sex
Jewberg: and food
Jewberg: and some silence
Jewberg: …
SmallScreenGal: he said he wouldn’t do that to me
SmallScreenGal: he was trying “To be nice”
SmallScreenGal: but i don’t know, i feel it hurts more…
SmallScreenGal: DO NOT put this on your blog
Jewberg: you call someone you never had sex with your boyfriend?
SmallScreenGal: if you do, change my name
SmallScreenGal: well he stayed with me for 5 months
Jewberg: sisalknkadslkndaslkn
SmallScreenGal: so why did he stick around?
Jewberg: what the fuck
SmallScreenGal: yep..
Jewberg: you dated a virgin
SmallScreenGal: no
SmallScreenGal: I’m a virgin
SmallScreenGal: he’s been with a lot of girls
Jewberg: ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Jewberg: that makes it all so much clearer
Jewberg: what the eff are you a virgin at 26
SmallScreenGal: but then he told me he dumped me not because of the virgin thing
SmallScreenGal: because I didn’t have a BF till 24
SmallScreenGal: or my first kiss
SmallScreenGal: I was 50 lbs heavier and never tried to date or thought that guys like me
Jewberg: right, he lied
Jewberg: black guys love fat chicks
SmallScreenGal: lovely
SmallScreenGal: I don’t wnat a black guy
SmallScreenGal: and I’m not that fat anymore
SmallScreenGal: i know other girls who are about my age and virgins though
Jewberg: im just saying, no matter how fat you get, there wll always be a black guy to love yo long time
Jewberg: are they all persian?
Jewberg: or just really lame
SmallScreenGal: the 2nd
SmallScreenGal: one is religious
SmallScreenGal: one is not very attractive…
SmallScreenGal: another girl is religious too/doesn’t know how to get guys
Jewberg: …
SmallScreenGal: so I’ve gone farther than the rest!
SmallScreenGal: haha
Jewberg: you need to stop hanging out with these people
SmallScreenGal: i know
Jewberg: and get laid
SmallScreenGal: i went out with better girls tonight
Jewberg: and then try to find a bf
SmallScreenGal: i know!!
SmallScreenGal: I told my ex
Jewberg: because no guy wants to date a virgin
SmallScreenGal: why can’t we just have sex?
SmallScreenGal: he really f-ed with me
Jewberg: because he doesnt wnat you getting attached
Jewberg: no no
SmallScreenGal: it’s not fair cuz now I’ve gotta try to do this all over again with another perosn
Jewberg: you fucked yourself
Jewberg: you should have dumped him the first time he said no
Jewberg: no
Jewberg: heres what you do
Jewberg: you go out with one girl friend
Jewberg: find a guy you like
Jewberg: take him home
SmallScreenGal: the first time he said no?
Jewberg: put a condom on his weenie
Jewberg: and enjoy
Jewberg: rinse and repeat as desired
Jewberg: once youve had enough, find a bf
Jewberg: not on here
Jewberg: this place is no different than a bar
SmallScreenGal: what do you mean not on here?
Jewberg: this is a horrible place to find a bf
Jewberg: but a good place to get laid
SmallScreenGal: well I found him here
Jewberg: SEE
Jewberg: you just proved my point
SmallScreenGal: he slept with lots of girls and was willing to take it slow with me
Jewberg: oy
Jewberg: no
Jewberg: thats not what happened
SmallScreenGal: ok, then enligthen me
Jewberg: he was either cheating on your or a virgin
Jewberg: because no man who has had sex is going to wait 5 months
SmallScreenGal: he wasn’t
Jewberg: unless hes embarrased of his small penis
SmallScreenGal: we tried to have sex…
Jewberg: wtf
Jewberg: what does that mean
SmallScreenGal: he always picked a very bad time so I wouldn’t go thru with it
SmallScreenGal: like i knew he couldn’t stay the night
Jewberg: why does he have to stay the night?
SmallScreenGal: he wouldn’t even buy me drinks to make me less nervous
Jewberg: …
SmallScreenGal: I don’t know
SmallScreenGal: yeah, i screwed myself
SmallScreenGal: whatever
SmallScreenGal: now i have ot live with this
Jewberg: next song
SmallScreenGal: well thanks for helping me try to make sense of it at least
Jewberg: no problem
Jewberg: remember guys are scum
SmallScreenGal: haha
Jewberg: we just want sex with no comittment
Jewberg: always count on this
SmallScreenGal: so you never want a real girlfriend>
Jewberg: use it to your advantage
Jewberg: i do, if shes hot and smart and makes good money
Jewberg: otherwise, whats the point?
SmallScreenGal: i odn’t know how to use it to my advantage..
Jewberg: its easy
Jewberg: go up to a guy
Jewberg: and say
Jewberg: hey, want to go back to my place?
Jewberg: 9/10 times it will be yes
SmallScreenGal: what if he has genital herpes or something?
Jewberg: inspect that shit
Jewberg: look for a nerdy guy
SmallScreenGal: haha
Jewberg: a poindexter
Jewberg: go to an internet cafe
SmallScreenGal: lol
Jewberg: and get the guy playing world of warcraft
Jewberg: i guarantee he has nothing
Jewberg: except bad skin and empty mountain dew cans
SmallScreenGal: lol
SmallScreenGal: u are quite funny
SmallScreenGal: thanks again for your help
Jewberg: no problem
SmallScreenGal: well you really think they are gonna wanna deal with a virgin?
SmallScreenGal: or i just don’t tell them?
Jewberg: dont tell them
Jewberg: also dont cry afterwards
Jewberg: guys dont like that
SmallScreenGal: yeah i figured
Jewberg: talk dirty to him
Jewberg: we like that
SmallScreenGal: considering my ex couldn’t deal with me cuz i cried so much when we broke up
Jewberg: yeah we dont like emotions
Jewberg: we wnat you to fuck us
Jewberg: then let us go to bed
Jewberg: then let us watch football
SmallScreenGal: wow
Jewberg: you can watch too
SmallScreenGal: you make me sad
Jewberg: but dont talk about anything but the game
SmallScreenGal: ha
Jewberg: you know what makes me sad?
Jewberg: when a girl complains about that stuff
Jewberg: the rest of the week we let you watch those dumb reality shows
Jewberg: and listen to how much you hate your coworkers
Jewberg: or how cute you think your cat is
SmallScreenGal: i hate cates
SmallScreenGal: er, cats
Jewberg: but we really are just doing it so you keep giving us BJs
SmallScreenGal: and i no longer have coworkers
SmallScreenGal: is that good?
SmallScreenGal: but yes, i did used to complain about my coworkers a lot
Jewberg: see i know you and ive never met you
Jewberg: to keep a guy you have to do one of two things
Jewberg: be one of the guys
SmallScreenGal: gues when you’ve been on 300 dates you learn something
Jewberg: find a pussy to date
SmallScreenGal: find a pussy to date?
SmallScreenGal: why are you on here right now?
Jewberg: yeah, a guy who is a pussy
SmallScreenGal: do you use the site just to get laid?
SmallScreenGal: oh yeah
SmallScreenGal: I dated a guy who was a pussy before this guy
Jewberg: i use this site for entertainment
Jewberg: sometimes its talking to drunk virgins at 1:30am
Jewberg: sometimes its to go on dates
Jewberg: i dont discriminate
Jewberg: entertainment comes in many forms
SmallScreenGal: well, it’s 1:35
SmallScreenGal: so beat that
SmallScreenGal: or i don’t know
Jewberg: alreayd did earlier
SmallScreenGal: well Jewberg I appreciate your wisdom
SmallScreenGal: for a drunk person I type pretty well though
Jewberg: congrats
SmallScreenGal: wait, do you know my real name?
SmallScreenGal: shoot, I hope not
Jewberg: you dont want me to
Jewberg: yo utold me when you linked your comedy
Jewberg: but ive forgotten
SmallScreenGal: well i dn’ want to find this convo somehwere
Jewberg: oh it will be there
Jewberg: this is hilaruous
Jewberg: hilarious
SmallScreenGal: it could ruin my reputation
Jewberg: reputation?
SmallScreenGal: don’t use my real name
Jewberg: as a drunk virgin emo girl on jdate at 1:30am?
SmallScreenGal: well not many poeple know i’m a virgin
SmallScreenGal: i’m not emo
SmallScreenGal: good night
Jewberg: night
Original post by Heebus
Sometimes I’m classy
Ξ April 5th, 2010 | → 0 Comments | ∇ um yeah |
20:15:06 she is like my bff
20:16:31 hmm is she on jdate?
20:16:36 she is
20:16:40 because im pretty sure she hates me
20:16:46 why?
20:16:50 have u guys gone out?
20:16:54 because ive said not nice things to her before
20:17:00 like what
20:17:12 recently
20:17:21 she told me how much she weighs and i told her that i wont go out witha girl
who ways more than me
20:17:56 thats kinda mean
20:18:10 was this like yesterday or a while ago
20:18:40 like a couple of months ago
20:18:45 and she keeps IMing me
20:18:48 oye
20:18:54 did u guys go out
20:19:08 nope, who would go out with a jerk like me?
20:19:19 because she got really pissed at me like a week ago when she found out i
was talking to the same guy as her
20:19:23 well i am on thursday
20:19:30 i told u i like the jerks
20:19:57 unless i weight too much for u
20:20:02 how much do you weigh?
20:20:07 130
20:20:10 how tall?
20:20:15 5′2
20:20:22 thats cutting it close
20:20:35 well its life
20:20:44 how much do u weight?
20:20:58 175 and im 5′10
20:21:31 ok
20:22:02 well u decide if u wanna meet up on thursday or not
20:22:15 alright im going to think about it while i watch house, ttyl
20:22:25 ok u do taht
22:04:42 -!- rochelly98 [rochelly98@oscar] has quit [Leaving…]
Original post by Heebus
I wonder what LDS stands for…
Ξ April 5th, 2010 | → 0 Comments | ∇ um yeah |
KmLDS: Hi
Jewberg: hows it going?
KmLDS: good, just celebrating the end of finals
Jewberg: wooo congrats!
Jewberg: where do you go to school?
KmLDS: Thanks! USC
Jewberg: booo wrong school
Jewberg:
KmLDS: uh oh
KmLDS: ucla?
Jewberg: haha i went to both
KmLDS: ha
Jewberg: so i can pretend i like either
KmLDS: Well, I have friends at UCLA, so I guess i can’t hold it against you
Jewberg: hehe
Jewberg: so what are you studying?
KmLDS: public diplomacy
KmLDS: what are you studying?
Jewberg: nothing
Jewberg: im done
Jewberg: but
Jewberg: i did study electrical engineering
KmLDS: that’s great–my roomies are double e
Jewberg: male or female?
KmLDS: male
Jewberg: oh right, no girls in this major
KmLDS: We live in a big house by campus and it’s mixed
KmLDS: haha
KmLDS: exactly
Jewberg: are you still in undergrad?
KmLDS: no, second year master student
KmLDS: I studied Russian in undergrad
Jewberg: let me guess, you are russian? god im good
KmLDS: hahaha not quite
KmLDS: I’ve lived in Russia, but not Russian
Jewberg: what are you?
KmLDS: I should probably throw out there that I’m not Jewish either…
KmLDS: I’m English and Dutch
KmLDS: One of my best girlfriends out here is Jewish, so we were on
jdate today–she has a profile, so we wanted to look around together
Jewberg: i was thinking the LDS stood for latter day saints
Jewberg: and you like the jewish boys
Jewberg: i get it
Jewberg: even though you say culturally jewish but not practicing
KmLDS: ha, you ARE good–I am a latter-day saint
Jewberg: serious?
KmLDS: ha yes
KmLDS: I’m from Utah and studied at BYU
Jewberg: and you like jew boys
KmLDS:
Jewberg: how un joeseph smith of you
KmLDS: lol
KmLDS: i think he liked jews too
KmLDS: good people
Jewberg: everyone does besides germans
Jewberg: we talk funny, we are super neurotic, good with numbers
Jewberg: so how LDS are you? do you go to the giant monstrosity of a
temple on santa monica bvd?>
KmLDS: haha
KmLDS: I am pretty LDS
KmLDS: i do go there
KmLDS: I was just there last weekend actually
Jewberg: so you dont believe in premarital sex?
KmLDS: I believe it happens lol
KmLDS: but no i don’t have sex
Jewberg: man that sucks!
Jewberg: i mean
Jewberg: what i meant to say was
Jewberg: the only reason guys on jdate will talk to non jews is
because we love sleeping with shiksas
KmLDS: ouch
KmLDS: I’ll have to watch out for that i guess
Jewberg: yeah, jews love to knock boots
Jewberg: its not a sin in our religion to knock them prematurely
KmLDS: Yeah, I’ve dated a few and that somehow seems to come up pretty early on
Jewberg: yep, i think its the same for all guys across the board
Jewberg: so are you saying htat if we got married and had kids
Jewberg: when we died we would get our own planet
Jewberg: and for as many kids as we had
Jewberg: we would have that many slaves on this planet?
KmLDS: haha there’s one I haven’t heard before
KmLDS: i’m always fairly entertained by the stuff that gets circulated about us
Jewberg: well one guy wouldnt deny it
KmLDS: who’s that?
Jewberg: some LDS guy i went to high school with
Jewberg: i think some catholic kid told me to tell this to him
KmLDS: I’d say people end up misunderstanding us quite a bit–we do
believe in having eternal families
KmLDS: and continued creation
KmLDS: meaning continuation of families, having children, etc
KmLDS: not sure where the slaves come from
Jewberg: do you give 10% to your church?
KmLDS: yep
Jewberg: blasphemy!
KmLDS: haha
Jewberg: … to a jew
KmLDS: well, from what my jewish friend told me, you can donate money
in a friend’s name to a charity or something
KmLDS: how is that much different?
Jewberg: the word can
KmLDS: my 10% goes to humanitarian efforts, welfare, etc
KmLDS: the word can??
Jewberg: we CAN give money
KmLDS: oh, haha
KmLDS: I choose to pay tithing
KmLDS: it’s not forced on me
Jewberg: is it tithilating?
KmLDS: it’s a belief
KmLDS: i believe it, so i pay it
KmLDS: ha
Jewberg: i get it, we have our own crazy beliefs
Jewberg: did you know jews believe in reincarnation?
KmLDS: hmmm…no i didn’t
KmLDS: how does that work?
KmLDS: I did have a jewish friend tell me she was sure I had been a
liberal hippie jew from upstate ny in a former life, so I guess that
goes to show it
Jewberg: so you smoke weed and listen to phish
KmLDS: ha no
KmLDS: they just think i would if i wasn’t mormon
KmLDS: we’re just a lot alike
Jewberg: not even close!
Jewberg: did you know we also dont believe in eternal damnation?
KmLDS: i meant my friend and i–we’re so alike
Jewberg: oh i get it
KmLDS: we don’t believe in the standard christian eternal damnation either
KmLDS: we believe everyone receives some kind of reward, just to
varying degrees
Jewberg: so how come you arent married with 14 kids yet?
KmLDS: you have no idea how often i get asked that lol
KmLDS: i am a little old to not be married in my culture
KmLDS:
Jewberg: yes, yes, go on, tell me what happened
Jewberg: im here to listen
KmLDS: Appreciated. hmmm…what happened? I guess I just haven’t
found something that felt like what I wanted yet
Jewberg: what do you want?
KmLDS: lots of great guys, but maybe just not heading in the same direction
Jewberg: guys have to be brainwashed to settle down
KmLDS: I’d say someone intelligent, but that doesn’t take himself too seriously
KmLDS: funny
KmLDS: someone who thinks i’m funny
Jewberg: flattery will get you everywhere
KmLDS: I’ll have to try that out
Jewberg: somehow i dont think you want to go to the same places i do
KmLDS: where are those?
Jewberg: to my room
Jewberg:
KmLDS: hahaha
KmLDS: In another life perhaps
Jewberg: thats a good one
Jewberg: normally i hear in your dreams mr
KmLDS: lol maybe mormons aren’t so bad after all, eh?
Jewberg: well , i know one thing you wont be good at
Jewberg: so how do you like going to a school named after a condom brand?
KmLDS: lol
KmLDS: is that what you think i wouldn’t be good at?
Jewberg: yeah
Jewberg: no experience means no good
Jewberg: 
KmLDS: You have no idea…
KmLDS: but i’m going to let you keep thinking that
Jewberg: haha seriously, how would you know?
Jewberg: dont tell me you LDS girls are like persian girls
KmLDS: ha no
Jewberg: do you even know what i meant?
KmLDS: pretty sure yes
Jewberg: go on, lets hear it
KmLDS: oh wow
KmLDS: i think i’ll keep that one to myself
Jewberg: oh cmon
Jewberg: tease
KmLDS: you jewish boys are nothing but trouble
Jewberg: thats why you like us
KmLDS: perhaps…
Jewberg: what else do you like about us
KmLDS: Since I’ve only gone out with a couple of jewish boys, and
they were both reform, i guess I can’t make too many final
statements–
KmLDS: but funny, intelligent,
KmLDS: straight forward,
KmLDS: a little scandalous but in a fun way
KmLDS: completely incourigible (no idea how to spell that)
Jewberg: incapable of being corrected?
Jewberg: you mean stubborn?
Jewberg: so did you come to jdate as your new mission?
Jewberg: are you trying to convert us all?
KmLDS: hahaha no way
KmLDS: I purposely do not try to convert jews
KmLDS: yes stubborn–and seem to always find myself saying to
them–no REALLY I don’t do stuff like that lol
KmLDS: nah, it really depends on which guy
KmLDS: one can’t help but try, the other only when he had been
drinking in Moscow–vodka is strong haha
Jewberg: yes it is!
Jewberg: hey ms lds, i have to run
Jewberg: but good luck in your quest
KmLDS: it was a pleasure
KmLDS: thanks
Original post by Heebus
I’m an original feminist
Ξ April 5th, 2010 | → 0 Comments | ∇ um yeah |
Jewberg: hi
*** Waiting for SingerSIngforMe to connect
*** SingerSIngforMe’s IM window is open
SingerSIngforMe: hi
Jewberg: hows it going? what are you still doing up
SingerSIngforMe: studying for philosophy final
Jewberg: where do you go to school?
SingerSIngforMe: Pepperdine
SingerSIngforMe: LMU is our rival
SingerSIngforMe: they SUCK
Jewberg: a jew at pepperdine
Jewberg: oh i know
Jewberg: im from LA
Jewberg: do you live in malibu?
SingerSIngforMe: yeah, they’re ridiculous
SingerSIngforMe: yes i live on campus
Jewberg: where did you grow up?
SingerSIngforMe: Arizona
Jewberg: what brings you to jdate?
SingerSIngforMe: friendship pursuit
Jewberg: friendship?
SingerSIngforMe: ja
Jewberg: its called jdate
Jewberg: not jfriend
SingerSIngforMe: it was an option in the profile creation process
SingerSIngforMe: so i assume it’s an exceptible goal, no?
Jewberg: yeah but what guy wants a friend?
Jewberg: in theory yes
Jewberg: guys only want friends for sex with no attachments
SingerSIngforMe: you guys don’t dig friendships?
SingerSIngforMe: wow.
SingerSIngforMe: that’s quite blunt
SingerSIngforMe: i suppose this means I’ll have to make myself
available for sex with no attachments then, if that’s what you all
require of a poor female?
Jewberg: well a friend is cool if you like to do cool friend t hings
and then get naked later
Jewberg: but thats called dating
SingerSIngforMe: really? i thought dating was when a boy buys me
dinner and i go home with a free meal in my stomach.
SingerSIngforMe: now you know what women want.
Jewberg: noooo, thats called being duped
Jewberg: a date is when you tell a girl you have dinner plans and
then meet her for a drink
Jewberg: and get her drunk
Jewberg: and take off her clothes
SingerSIngforMe: the alternative is called prostitution.
Jewberg: and spend no more than $40
SingerSIngforMe: well hey!
Jewberg: girls are experts at prostituting themselves or swindling
SingerSIngforMe: or you could be a gentlemen
Jewberg: whats a gentleman
SingerSIngforMe: buy her less than 40 dollar meals
SingerSIngforMe: form a relationship
Jewberg: a guy who buys girls free dinners?
SingerSIngforMe: and have sex for the rest of your life
Jewberg: with just one girl?
SingerSIngforMe: haven’t you ever heard of a good investment?
SingerSIngforMe: you also avoid getting unsightly diseases!
Jewberg: yeah, but thats not a girl
SingerSIngforMe: and hey, everyone can appreciate that.
SingerSIngforMe: ..or perhaps not
Jewberg: girls suffer from diminishing returns
Jewberg: you dont get better with age
SingerSIngforMe: apparently..
SingerSIngforMe: neither do you…
SingerSIngforMe: cuz DAMN
Jewberg: we get better looking and make more money
Jewberg: and you are about at your peak right now
SingerSIngforMe: mm jdate.
SingerSIngforMe: the best of the best i suppose
Jewberg: well i dont think this has anything to do with culture or religion
Jewberg: this is just how it is
Jewberg: men will go to extraordinary lengths to get laid
Jewberg: and girls will take as much as they can from a guy while
trying to minimize the amount they put out
SingerSIngforMe: i don’t function that way.
SingerSIngforMe: if that makes you happy hokay.
Jewberg: how do you function?
SingerSIngforMe: respectably
Jewberg: define respectably
*** SingerSIngforMe’s IM window is closed
Jewberg: is that a word that isnt in your vocabulary?
*** Waiting for SingerSIngforMe to connect
*** SingerSIngforMe’s IM window is open
SingerSIngforMe: it is
SingerSIngforMe: but i’d rather not talk to you anymore
SingerSIngforMe: i don’t think we’d make very good friends, sadly.
Jewberg: the truth hurts doesnt it
Jewberg: you dont like your friends to be open and honest with you?
Jewberg: or you just want to choose what you want to believe in
SingerSIngforMe: i don’t like the way you operate
Jewberg: smooth operator
SingerSIngforMe: it’s not at all what i think relations between
women and men ought to be
SingerSIngforMe: i have standards
Jewberg: haha and i think it ought to rain donuts
Jewberg: doesnt make it possible
SingerSIngforMe: that don’t include how you conduct yourself
Jewberg: listen
Jewberg: i dont like how things are
Jewberg: but i didnt make the rules
SingerSIngforMe: don’t hate the player?
Jewberg: i just know how not to get taken advantage of
SingerSIngforMe: if women accept your shitty offer
Jewberg: im not even a player
SingerSIngforMe: who am i to stop them
Jewberg: shitty?
SingerSIngforMe: anyway,
Jewberg: im an original feminist
SingerSIngforMe: have a good evening
*** SingerSIngforMe’s IM window is closed
Jewberg: i treat women as equals
*** Waiting for SingerSIngforMe to connect
Jewberg: they have to pay their way, just like i did
*** Waiting for SingerSIngforMe to connect
Original post by Heebus
This girl is a winner
Ξ April 5th, 2010 | → 0 Comments | ∇ um yeah |
Jewberg: hi
*** Waiting for sportsfannyla to connect
*** sportsfannyla’s IM window is open
sportsfannyla: hi
Jewberg: hows it going? long time no chat
sportsfannyla: i know
sportsfannyla: pretty good
sportsfannyla: how are you
Jewberg: good, how come every girl on facebook has a status related
to colors right now?
sportsfannyla: oh yea
sportsfannyla: i saw that
sportsfannyla: and then someone on fb said its because of some charity thing
Jewberg: hmm interested
sportsfannyla: yea
sportsfannyla: whatever
sportsfannyla: charity
sportsfannyla: pfh
sportsfannyla: jk
Jewberg: haha
Jewberg: what color is your bra?
Jewberg: whats your name by the way? im Lee
sportsfannyla: are you serious
Jewberg: haha its an innocent question
sportsfannyla: what color is your jock strap
Jewberg: cream like everyone elses
Jewberg: by im wearing spongebob boxers
Jewberg: if you must know
sportsfannyla: hot
sportsfannyla: lee lerner
Jewberg: how do you know my name?
sportsfannyla: magic
Jewberg: are we facebook friends or something?
Jewberg: ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i think i get it
sportsfannyla: ?
Jewberg: you are friends with arielle?
sportsfannyla: wtf
sportsfannyla: who is that
Jewberg: how do you know my name?
sportsfannyla: it’s your screen name
Jewberg: no its not
Jewberg: my screen name is jewberg
sportsfannyla: how else would i know your name
Jewberg: whats your name?
sportsfannyla: what do you want it to be
Jewberg: whatever it really is
sportsfannyla: rachel willis
Jewberg: who you talking about willis
Jewberg: you are too young to get that i think…
Jewberg: so rachel willis, what are you up to this evening?
sportsfannyla: hangin with my ladies
sportsfannyla: and yourself
Jewberg: whatcha doin with your ladies?
sportsfannyla: hanging around
sportsfannyla: what are you doing on this crazy thursday night
sportsfannyla: ?????
Jewberg: just chillin , going to bed soon
sportsfannyla: awww sad
Jewberg: i have a work in the morning
sportsfannyla: laaame
sportsfannyla: its thurtsday!
sportsfannyla: party night
Jewberg: so come party
sportsfannyla: where at
Jewberg: my house
sportsfannyla: thats not very specific
Jewberg: marina del rey
sportsfannyla: whoaaa
sportsfannyla: i don’t know how to swim
Jewberg: i dont live on a boat
sportsfannyla: oh thank god!
sportsfannyla: do you have a biiiiig house
Jewberg: huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge
sportsfannyla: how big
Jewberg: 5 bedrooms
sportsfannyla: maybeeeeee
sportsfannyla: you come here
Jewberg: cant, have work in the morning
sportsfannyla: what do you do
Jewberg: what do you want me to do?
sportsfannyla: be a firefighter!
Jewberg: whoa, you are psychic
Jewberg: im totally a firefighter!
sportsfannyla: come put out my fire
Jewberg: do you have a fire crotch?
sportsfannyla: im a brunette
Jewberg: whats your number?
sportsfannyla: 408 ima slut
Jewberg: where is 408
sportsfannyla: in my vagina
sportsfannyla: is that a bad place to be
Jewberg: i dont know? how big is it?
sportsfannyla: its tight
sportsfannyla: u callin??
sportsfannyla: ??
sportsfannyla: ew u hung up??
Jewberg: i can see through your shirt in your pic
sportsfannyla: no u cant
sportsfannyla: are you superman
Jewberg: i have a super huge cock
sportsfannyla: prove it
sportsfannyla: go on webcam
Jewberg: i dont have a webcam
sportsfannyla: liar
sportsfannyla:
sportsfannyla: ok well have a good night then i guess alone in ur bed
at home by yourself?…
Jewberg: big house, big bed, big cock
Jewberg: no poon for it
sportsfannyla: poon?
Jewberg: you know, that giant gaping vagina of yours?
sportsfannyla: what?
Jewberg: you know, that cavernous fish cave you call your vagina
sportsfannyla: what the fuck!
sportsfannyla: come over
Original post by Heebus